r/shitposting
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u/zeroxcero
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3d ago
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Dickfishing This post is about stuff
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u/duffman886 3d ago
The nerve of some men. Men should be more courteous and send dick pic to every girls they see. BURP!!!
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u/zurkon95 Stuff 3d ago
What do we gotta bring measurements cards now ?
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u/Leavemealone12334 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 3d ago
Gotta whip it out with a ruler
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u/tommos 3d ago •
Ok but lets see Paul Allen's penis.
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u/Jimmy-Pesto-Jr Big chungus wholesome 100 3d ago
"I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's penis to mine."
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u/AutomaTK 3d ago
The subtle off white coloring... 🥺
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u/bloody_terrible 3d ago
It even has a watermark.
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u/fucktarddabarbarian 3d ago
It's embossed!!!!
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u/Narstification 3d ago
Is that bone?
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u/TactualTransAm 3d ago
What if I get a ruler tattooed onto it
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u/Faloonm 3d ago
I’m not sure what they would charge for a 3cm ruler mate…
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u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 3d ago
American here. You think that's crazy? They charged me $700 for a 2 weevil long ruler.
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u/SitFlexAlot 3d ago
Yours came in weevil? My measurements are in BigMacTM
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u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 3d ago
That's weird, I went to double check and it actually changed. They changed from weevil to Nintendo DS stylus widths. It's.. roughly 2.
Out of morbid curiosity, how many BigMacTM s are yours?
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u/SitFlexAlot 3d ago
Well that's just rude. Don't you know it's impolite to ask a man his penis size. Kids today...
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u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 3d ago
Penis size? Hold up, I thought we were talking about the length of our saguaro cactus buds we've all had growing since grade 7.
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u/Admirable-Hospital78 3d ago
Dickpic's true purpose
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u/shinm4 3d ago
yeah, alternative title: "Why you should always send a dpic before the first date."
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u/ontheonthechainwax 3d ago
I'm shook. I can't believe I misjudged these tactful, caring, sensitive men. Shame on me.
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u/SplendidAngharad 3d ago
I snorted. Soooo many men are apparently already being upfront. What more could she possibly want?
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u/rdmxcn 3d ago
good thing I don't have to dickfish thanks to my 2 inches, imagine having a small dick and needing to recur to this, smh
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u/Dnoxl 3d ago
I mean an inch is already alot what could they possibly want more?
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u/SOAPToni 3d ago
Give them an inch, they take a mile walk away from you smh.
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u/d15c0nn3ctxx 3d ago
If they only know what an inch is like, an inch is all they need. This woman clearly like radiator hoses.
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u/atommathyou 3d ago edited 3d ago
This makes me think a a joke a woman who did construction told me:
Why are women bad carpenters? - holds up pinky because they've been told by men all their life that this is six inches
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u/redditslooseslots 3d ago
Oh well look at Mr big dick over here with the TWO inch slanger. Leave some poon for the rest of us, brah
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u/Distinct-Speed-9474 3d ago
TWO inch
you sound like an Italian mobster
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u/Lucyintheye 3d ago
"They call him Tony Two Inch, because he always has to tell everyone about his 2inch boxah monstah" favorite quote from my favorite mobster movie, beneficial gentlemen.
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u/porkyboy11 3d ago
Wow that's huge, ginormous even. I wish mine was that big
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u/PandaKing185 3d ago
This is a joke right? You're kidding? Nobody is actually that massive
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u/-LuciditySam- 3d ago
Ever take your pants off and get asked why you have a second belly button?
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u/CluDaCreator I want pee in my ass 3d ago
Holy....... bros PACKING! 1 inch is a bakery but bros packing a FACTORY. Git flexing at this point
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u/GLnoG 3d ago
That shit is BIG. Fuckin' intercontinental missile hanging down between your legs, goddamn.
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u/FluffyResource 3d ago •
You fucking porn star Chad's just have to bring up your massive cocks every chance you get eh. Just because the last time I tried to fuck my girlfriend her immune system fought it does not mean I am any less of a man.
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u/SaintSagan81
3d ago
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Personally, when I'm dating a girl... the smaller the penis, the better
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u/TonyWhoop 3d ago
I mean, no penis is ideal, but I’m fine with a nub. I mean, I’m fine with a knuckle’s length, but it better not be bigger than mine. That’s where the line is drawn.
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u/Kronaska 3d ago
I love how the standards dropped with each sentence 💀
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u/TonyWhoop 3d ago
20 bucks is 20 bucks
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u/Kronaska 3d ago
It can be a lot more depending on which part of the world you're spending
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u/TonyWhoop 3d ago
Are you trying to seduce me?
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u/Kronaska 3d ago
Trying? Haha, it's already too late for you
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u/HHACarvalho
3d ago
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What about that burp in the middle? The only thing I paid attention to...
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u/Gorperino 3d ago
I would be arguing with this post like everyone else but that was just too funny that I believe it is satire now.
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u/HHACarvalho 3d ago
Probably right
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u/driving_andflying 3d ago
Hell, the burp in the middle is the only thing that sold me on this video. :)
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u/CreativeMischief 3d ago
Wait do people not realize that this is satire?
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u/levian_durai 3d ago
You give people too much credit. I'm sure you've seen a ton of posts using /s that very clearly don't need it.
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u/engagetangos 3d ago
its brittany venti of course its a troll
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u/sockbref 3d ago
What’s a brittany venti?
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u/Totally_Safe_Website 3d ago
It’s like a Brittany grande but bigger
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u/Embarrassed_Alarm450 3d ago
She's a twitch troll who would pretend to get super outraged so people would donate. Her whole schtick is having fake meltdowns whenever someone made a donation and showed some 'offensive' video. Haven't heard her name in years but apparently she's making somewhat of a comeback after the whole twitter thing, didn't even realize she was still around tho...
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u/Tom0204 3d ago
Yeah its intended to trigger men. This kinda thing happens a lot on tiktok
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u/Big_Boss1985 3d ago
She burps like a 50 year old obese father after his 5th beer
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u/ryansports 3d ago
If you just keep restarting this video at the 33 second mark, it's exceedingly more interesting.
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u/robot_handjob Literally 1984 😡 3d ago
Prob chugged some fizzy cum before filming
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u/6uillermo66
3d ago
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You can avoid dickfishing with 1 simple trick. Blow him on the first date.
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u/BeezNuttz 3d ago
Good plan!
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u/PoignantOpinionsOnly 3d ago edited 3d ago
Terrible plan.
You think you're going to get a blowjob but then she can't control her laughter when she sees your small dick and leaves you on the spot.
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u/Binky216 3d ago
Absolutely. If dick size it’s important, why are you waiting 6 dates before you go at it?
That being said, I’ve known many a woman who would have been happy to deal with a smaller member…
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u/FatrickTomlinson88 3d ago
That being said, I’ve known many a woman who would have been happy to deal with a smaller member…
I've met them too, your wife is the envy of the whole group.
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u/didntflush 3d ago
Plz run for president. This is a message all Americans can get behind
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u/icejohnw 3d ago
i always lead my relationships with " i have a 3 inch PP " ... that way they are impressed by my 3.5 inches
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3d ago
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As a victim of pussyfishing, I can relate.
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u/Gryph0th 3d ago •
Man I hate it when these girls seduce me with their fat tits and not tell me about their small pussies. I can't even fit bro.
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u/WurdaMouth 3d ago
Bruh this mf spittin
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u/SellerOfWorlds 3d ago
Gonna be spittin on that dry, tight pussy the rest of his life. Rip in Peace
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u/OccultMachines 3d ago
walkin into the dentists lookin for a cure for drymouth cause the saliva glands ran out
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u/LMacUltimateMain 3d ago
Sometimes you salivate a lot and don’t wish to swallow it so you gotta spit it out. No matter how I would try to write this sentence, it’s still gonna turn out really sexual
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u/rolling-log 3d ago edited 3d ago
Dude you're not supposed to climb in like it's a sleeping bag Damb.
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u/Sunburned_Baby 3d ago
Mommy, I’m home!
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u/SudoTheNym 3d ago
This truly is all that men want, a penis home. We will even settle for a penis garage or a penis parking spot, but really, in our heart of hearts, we want a penis home. A cozy one: Not a mcmansion. A single family, one story penis home. Think of the homeless peni!
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u/RatOnABoat 3d ago
Like throwing a sausage down a hallway?
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3d ago
I’m actually not talking about tightness. My preference is for a large outie “butterfly wing”-style labia. I have been on many dates with a woman only to be disappointed upon finding she had an “innie” vagina with small labia 😢
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u/jackrip761 3d ago •
You know you've hit the lottery when she drops trow and it looks like a box of cow tounges. And when your done, it looks like a bulldog opened a jar of mayo.
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u/SteveBlakesButtPlug 3d ago
I only like the small labia. Should we network and start trading pussy?
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u/zeroxcero 3d ago
You like the roast beef vagoo? Ok to each their own
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u/Complete-Bake6245
3d ago
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Do you want the dick pics or not?
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u/Shamwowz21 3d ago
Schrodinger’s Lawsuit
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u/Drew10shelton 3d ago
A lawsuit as a consequence of a dick pic can exist simultaneously with the return of nudes. Once the pic is sent your reality diverges and your consciousness is forced to diverge with it.
This means that you aren’t necessarily a beta male nor are you a creep. You are just a victim of quantum mechanics and there is another you with mega rizz somewhere in another universe.
Keep on harassing my friends. Eventually you will merge to a universe that gives you the big tiddy goth girl friend that you deserve.
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u/CrabClawAngry 3d ago
The chauvinist version of Everything Everywhere All At Once that I didn't know I needed.
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u/MyButtholeIsTight 3d ago
Yep, if you don't want to get dickfished then don't wait until date 13 before trying to catch a glimpse. In that case you can only blame yourself.
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u/LiKINGtheODds 3d ago
Glad i watched this so now i know i need to whip out the ol’flan jammer on the first date and lay it on the dinner table
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u/ElvisDumbledore 3d ago
I think someone missed the point of the movie.
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u/BeezNuttz 3d ago
Yeah, my first question was what does she think catfishing means?
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u/HippopotamicLandMass 3d ago
what does she think catfishing means?
she defined it herself in the first few seconds:
*when men take women to the pool, et cetera.*what does that even mean‽‽‽‽‽
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u/lahimatoa 3d ago
She's misusing the term catfishing, likely for trolling purposes.
Catfishing: When you create an entirely fake persona online and someone falls in love with it. Manti T'eo is the biggest example of a catfishing victim.
Wearing makeup is not catfishing. But some dudes thinks it's dishonest, so they recommend you take your date to a pool for the first date, so you can see how she looks without makeup.
Hope that helps.
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u/iiDemonLord 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 3d ago
The burp really sent the point home
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u/AmNotSatan 3d ago
Made me think for just a briefest moment that this is some advanced Rick and Morty troll shit or something.
Come on Morty! You got to have a big penis! Don't lie to her about your penis Morty. It's important Morty! Here! Urghhh! Take these pills Morty! They're going to make your cock huge Morty! You're going to slay the pussy Morty!
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u/warpedashell 3d ago
Guy takes off his pants and the prostitute starts laughing. “Who do you think you’re going to please with that little thing”? He calmly responds “Me bitch, Me”!
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u/superfreaklagos 3d ago
I witnessed a break up once in college where as the guy was walking after being dumped his now Ex screamed "I faked all my orgasms!" He just shrugged "Mine were real"
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u/BartolomeuOGrosso 3d ago
I never understood that logic, I mean I get the logical assumption of emotional damage and power play but bruh you're letting youself get fucked still
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u/ScowlEasy 3d ago
Also it’s kind of shitty to imply that it’s the man’s job to make you orgasm, instead of communicating with your partner about your wants/needs.
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u/superfreaklagos 3d ago
this a million times. Communicate with your partner on what gets each other off.
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u/LemonPartyWorldTour 3d ago
For me, I like when the woman has vaginas
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u/EnragedSpartens 3d ago
Yo I haven't seen Brittany Venti in years!
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u/3168154815162342 3d ago
She was in a Louis Theroux documentary last year about some of the people she was associating with. Apparently she realized that the guys who talked about hating women actually just hate women including her, and she wasn't special to them. She thought they were all criticizing the women she didn't like, and it was fun until it turned on her too.
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u/horror_hermit 3d ago
Wasn't sure if that was her or not, last time I seen her it was crying on twitch while people trolled the hell out of her. Lol...sigh good times.
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u/_Alternate_Ending_ 3d ago
She was pretty obviously faking it. If anything she was trolling them.
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3d ago
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u/Liquidust256 3d ago
Very good Greg, Can we go around the room and introduce ourselves? I’m Stanley, I have a small penis too and women say I’m fake because I have a good personality.
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u/jhonnywhistle08 DaPucci 3d ago
her credibility went from 0 to 100 the moment she burped
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u/Parabellim
3d ago
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Oh I thought dickfishing was when you go home with a girl but they have an Adam’s Apple
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u/Biggie_Moose 3d ago
"oh my gosh I'm so emotionally invested in this relationship that I don't care how much I enjoy their company, their dick size is all that matters
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u/Toastedtoastyyy mr toasted mod 3d ago
ragebait lmao
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u/Will_Block03 3d ago
Ik 5.5 is average but stuff like this gets me down sometimes (real, based, redpilled)
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u/Biggie_Moose 3d ago
Hey king, I know the feel. I've been there. But I can tell you from experience that having a good personality is leagues more important than having a big dick. Chin up.
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3d ago
[deleted]
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u/Biggie_Moose 3d ago
Then change that. You can't do much about your dick, but you can take up a hobby and build yourself up. I believe in you.
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u/bertha01 3d ago
as a female representative i assure you most of us don't care. our brains are wired differently than yours are. it's really about emotional connection. if you communicate and see what she likes, what you like - you'll be better than an 10 inch monster dick. there are poses in bed that you can do with 5.5 inches and it will drive a girl crazy, but if you have a really big dick you can't focus on anything but the hurt while it's hitting your cervix. been there, done that. if you touch a girl in all the right places and she likes you believe me when i say that you will drive her crazy. it's all about communication and mutual connection. i dunno about other girls, but i always worry that my vagina is too loose or that my breasts are too big, stuff like that. it's normal. the sooner you learn how to embrace it, the better your sex life will become
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u/siraliases 3d ago
As someone who is in a committed relationship, with a woman who has said literally all these things,
Thank you. It's nice to keep hearing it. Posts like this really can drag on you... And posts like yours can pick you back up :)
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u/variouspersonas 3d ago
Same. I get that its mostly ppl intentionally trolling but as someone with both a normal/small pp and a generally nice demeanor who just wants to be loved, the way this has resurfaced so prominently in the last few years has been frustrating.
I understand the anti-man sentiment and the ease at which people are comfortable shaming mens bodies is a response. Still, kinda hurts ngl!
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u/Sevenfootschnitzell 3d ago
I honestly think you’re being a bit too nice here. It’s actually pretty fucked that society thinks it’s fun and cool to try and make men as insecure as possible. This girl is being “cool” and “edgy”, but if a guy makes a video talking about being lured in by a girls personality only to find out she has a beefy vagina, he’s a douchebag or an asshole. Which, yeah he is, but so is this girl and anyone who supports this sentiment.
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u/Independent_Spend_19 3d ago
yes listen to her normalize fucking and finding out the first date 🤣 for those who are only dtf and not have a relationship the state of women rn is heaven 👌
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u/Excellent_Ad_7295 3d ago
Bruh whatever. I’m tired of hearing about women talking about dicks.
Most of them cannot even tell the difference between a 5 inch dick and an 8 inch one.
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u/Mountain-Ad-244 3d ago
Know your worth kings. if a chick wants you only for your dick she doesn’t love you. Little peepe squad unite.
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u/AdStrong809 3d ago edited 3d ago
So wiping off all the girls makeup and checking natural hair color while on the first date should be standard procedure.
Edit: also add checking for bra stuffing, height without heels, and number of baby daddies in her life.
2nd Edit: stomach tucking devices, butt lifting underwear, wigs or false hair.
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u/Worlds_Dumbest_Nerd 3d ago
This wouldn't be a problem if you fucked on the first date but y'all ain't ready to hear that.
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u/Ok-Yam-9023 3d ago
If you don't have big tits which you obviously don't then you ain't got no right to complain about dick size
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u/QualityVote I have permission! 3d ago
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